found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
