I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
