Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
