okay pat passed out under dana's car
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize