I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
