haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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