Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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