Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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