Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I need to align my fucking chakras
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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