my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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