Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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