A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
