I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
