Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
