i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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