Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
