her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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