guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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