If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
