you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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