No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
