after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
