k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
