If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
