there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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