Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize