The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
