I'm so fucking centered right now
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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