Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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