If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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