Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
