Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
