I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
