whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
