Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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