Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
