i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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