he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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