as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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