two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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