My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
