you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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