At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
