I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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