Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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