We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
