The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
