He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
