Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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