i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Drake has all the answers
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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