Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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