what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This can only be settled by a dance off.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
