I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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