even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
