Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
