I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
