My hand turned me down
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
