What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
