the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
