please come you make the beer taste better
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
