just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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