Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
