Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
