My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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