just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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