were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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