I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
