my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Randomize
