too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
