I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
