i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
