The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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