i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize