considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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