Cold hands, warm shart.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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