fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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