So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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