did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
