butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
