i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
