so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
