There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
