You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
