she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
