my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
