i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
