I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
