Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize