i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
