i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him āBeast Modeā. So. Many. Orgasms.
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