may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
