I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
