OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
