I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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