So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
