I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
